babies · Family · Parenting · Uncategorized

Motherhood is not a competition

I’m sure all mothers will agree, we have come across that mother who sees everything as a competition. The one who appears to be running for the mayor of stepford award, and nowadays it isn’t just strangers at the school gate that act this way. Best friends, neighbours and even sisters are all in competition with each other for who has the best clothes, the best toys, the best kids. It’s ridiculous.

Today’s society’s views of what motherhood should be is exhausting. But only if you let it. If you have the time and energy to show to the school gate every morning looking like you just stepped out of a home shopping catalogue, that’s fine, good for you. But you must understand that i barely have time in the morning to brush my teeth let alone arrive with full hair and make up done, and that’s ok too. As long as my kids are happy and healthy isn’t that all that matters? Only it doesn’t  appear to be that way.

I have seen the looks from these people when i rock up to the school gate in my trackie bottoms and trainers, with no make up on . I don’t judge you, so please, don’t judge me. What you don’t know is that i probably spent most of the night up with a teething baby while you blissfully slept the night away because your precious one never woke once in their lives with teething pains. Yeah, Right.

It starts when our little ones are babies, a visit to the health center sitting with different mums and their babies from all walks of life. ‘Is your baby crawling yet? How many teeth has he got’? ‘Oh, Isabelle crawled at 5 months and had 4 teeth by the age of 7 months’. ‘Simon has been sleeping through since he was 2 weeks old’. Seriously, i get it, you’re proud of your baby, well guess what, SO AM I. So what if my baby is 10 months old and prefers to shuffle on his bottom and not to crawl, so what if he’s only got 2 teeth at 8 months. It’s not  a race, my baby will do these things in his own time. Will you be able to tell when all of these kids are in school who crawled first or who took their first steps at 7 months old, No you will not.

When my first baby was born, i felt i had to do it all. That there was something wrong with me if i couldn’t and i was a failure if i had to ask for help. I burnt out pretty fast. It was nly after the third baby was born that i finally copped on. It’s ok to ask for help, it’s ok to ask the hubbie to take the baby the baby for an hour while i had a nap. I stopped caring about the people that would or wouldn’t judge me for it and i was a lot happier for it.

What you are doing in trying to be better than every other mom is not only making other moms feel like crap but guess what sunshine, your kids are following in your footsteps. You’re ruining your children. You are raising your child to be a spiteful brat who competes with every other kid. A kid, who wants what everyone else has, only better. Ugh, Please, nobody likes a devious kid who is being raised by a sneaky parent. It’s harsh, but its the truth.

I’m not perfect, but here’s the thing, no one is. We are all trying to raise our children, it’s not easy. It would be a hell of a lot easier without the worry of constant competition from the very people who already know how hard it is. I’m proud of all my kids, but i’m not here to  compete with anyone, I’m here to enjoy my kids. I just get on with it and if you don’t like me for that, that’s fine. But stop turning everything into a competition, enjoy your kid for who they are. Would it not make life easier if mothers supported other mothers instead of trying to be better than them  all the time?

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2 thoughts on “Motherhood is not a competition

  1. Sentences that start with, ‘You’re hardly…’ tend to wind me up. They usually are you’re hardly bottle feeding or you’re hardly putting them in crèche that young. I feel like telling the ‘hardly’ people where to go!

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  2. Reaching developmental milestones early is no indication of above average intelligence. Above average intelligence is no indication of happiness. We have children to fulfil our own emotional and biological needs. If we’re lucky enough to have them, we should allow them the freedom to live their lives free from unreasonable parental demands!

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