A is for Anxiety, because c’mon, Being a mammy can be overwhelming at the best of times and we all wonder whether we’re doing right or wrong sometimes. All too often we look at other moms and feel like crap because we aren’t like them. Perfect house, Perfect Kids, Perfect life. There’s no such thing…We all have our flaws and after all, it’s not a competition, all kids fight, argue and talk back and it can make the calmest person in the world feel anxious.
B is for Boobs, lets face it they’re never going to be the way the were pre-pregnancy, breastfeeding etc. Yes, you’re boobies get a right old battering, don’t they?
C is for Cooking. Lots and Lots and Lots of Cooking. And sometimes you can spend hours slaving away in the kitchen to be told your culinary masterpiece is disgusting and they would rather starve than eat it. Don’t you just love the honesty of little people.
D is for Driving. Again Lots and Lots of driving especially as your kids are getting older and they ending up having a better social life than you. Football games, birthday parties, dance lessons, it’s never ending. My wheelie bins go out more often than i do! You may as well stick a ‘Mom’s Taxi’ sign on top of your car and be done with it.
E is for Energy. Little kids have this in spades, you on the other hand even after 8 hours sleep (if you’re lucky), All the coffee in the world doesn’t’ disguise the reality that you resemble a zombie from night of the living dead. Seriously, where do they get their energy from?
F is for Fussy Eaters. Four out of my five children would eat anything you put in front of them, it’s great to see and they’re a pleasure to cook for. The oldest, however, is a pure and utter fuss pot, AND HE’S 12! He doesn’t like vegetables, he’ll only eat certain fruits. The only meat he will eat is chicken and only if it’s cooked a certain way. I gave up trying to sneak stuff into his dinner a long time ago, he can even sniff out the teeniest piece of onion in half a kilo of mash, but is always managing to lose his shoes!
G is for Guilt. Mammy guilt that is. You’ll crave alone time for yourself, you’ll get it, you’ll miss them then you’ll feel guilty, that’s mammy guilt. You’re not alone, It happens to us all. It’s just one of the joys of motherhood.
H is for Homework. Oh, Homework, how i despise thee. There has been some evenings where the kids have no ability to focus on it and it has almost broken me. Some teachers give WAY too much homework, it’s ridiculous. Kids need time to recharge their batteries after school and the last thing i want is a battle on my hands trying to get them to concentrate on it.
I is for Isolating. Being a stay at home mom can sometimes be the lonliest job in the world. Especially when your children are very little. I remember when mine were very young,, how isolated and lonely i felt. There were days when busy irish daddy was working and i literally would not see anyone, from first thing in the morning until he got in after work. It can make you feel like you’re going crazy and craving for some adult conversation.
J is for Jealousy. Sibling Jealousy is the worst kind of jealousy that more often than not will result in mammy guilt.
K is for King sized Bed. Especially if you have more than one child, you’re going to need the extra space to accommodate middle of the night visitors in your peaceful abode.
L is for Laundry. With the amount of Laundry that i do, i swear there are people living in my house that i have never met. My laundry basket seems to fill up even if i’m the only one in the house. I HATE LAUNDRY. For the most part the washing it is fine, it’s trying to dry it (5 kids and don’t own a tumble dryer) and folding it and putting it away drives me nuts.
M is for Milestones. Every milestone they reach, be it their first word, first steps, first time they ride a bike will make your heart want to burst with pride and it makes all the not so good moments worth while.
N is for Nappies. Can you even remember that there was a time that you didn’t know how to change a nappy? No, me neither! By the time your precious cherub has been toilet trained there’s no doubt you will have changed hundred if not thousands of Nappies.
O is for Opinions. The very second you announce you’re becoming a mammy, the whole world and their dog will be waiting to offer their opinion on something. You know best, nobody knows your child like you,
P is for Poo and Pee. It goes without saying really. Being a mammy means being up to your elbows in poo and piss, especially when they’re babies. Boys have impeccable aim you know! And potty training, no longer is it strange to hear someone ask you to wipe their arse for the millionth time.
Q is for Questions. OH MY GOOD GOD. Did you know the average 4 year old asks roughly 144 questions in a day. I did, and chances are you did too. Why is the sky blue? Why is a dog a dog? Why are you so old? What is water made from? Seriously mind wrecking questions that would tire out the mind of a saint, trying to answer. Ironically, Q is also for Quiet! Which admit it, unless they’re in bed, doesn’t happen in your house very often!
R is for Routine. Which especially when they’re on Summer holidays, goes right out of the window. I love routine now, but not when they were tiny babies and everyone goes on and on about getting baby into a routine and being strict with it. Seriously, YOU will know when to start setting a routine with your kids, and don’t listen to anyone else.
S is for Soft Play. Oh Lord, do i hate soft play! I hate the noise, I hate the way it smells but most of all i hate being invaded by other peoples little angels. Seriously i have 5 of my own, i don’t need any more. Even trying to get them out of the place is a nightmare. If i can manage it i try to avoid it like the plague. It’s just not worth it.
T is for Tantrums. Need i say anymore?
U is for Untidiness. My kids would manage to wreck and empty room! You can always tell which room they have been in from the amount of carnage they have left behind. Trying to clean and tidy when you have kids in the house is impossible.
V is for Vomit. I don’t have the strongest of stomach’s so i dread any time a tummy bug makes its presence known in our house. Vomit and Kids go hand in hand with childhood unfortunately.
W is for Worry. From the very second you pee on that stick You will worry. Your child has a rash, you will worry. You will worry if they are eating enough and of the right foods. They’re in school, you will worry. You will even worry about worrying. W is also for Wine, my saviour to on a Saturday night to see off a crap week..
X is for X-ray. If your kids are anything like mine you will have to endure at least one of these over the course of their childhood. My daughter swallowed a ten cent coin a couple of years ago, so to be on the safe side, our gp recommended an x ray to make sure the coin had gone directly into her stomach. It did, and she passed it the next day, i know she did because i was the one that had to ‘search’ for it!
Y is for Yelling. We all swear from pregnancy that we’re not going to be one of those mothers that constantly yell at their kids. But we all have those days that we’re stretched to our limit and we yell. This also results in Mammy Guilt.
Z is for ZZZ’s. As in sleep. As in we don’t do much of that anymore. Do We?